What Makes a Local?

It’s early November in the Fraser Valley, Colorado. Outside the snow is falling silently, big fat flakes that cover the frozen mud. Meanwhile, in the bar, folks are gathering on a Tuesday night, doing the Tuesday night during the off-season in a ski town in the bar sort of thing. Which is pretty much like the Tuesday night during the season in a ski town in the bar sort of thing except that there’s lots less people and most everybody there knows everybody else.

The cute young bartender asks a fresh face where he’s from. An innocent question, a common question. The new fresh face replies “well, I just got an address and post office box in Fraser so I guess I’m a local.”

Meanwhile, a few barstools away, my cousin is doing the Tuesday night in the bar thing. He’s a 40 something fellow, a skier and mason, born and raised in this mountain valley, the Great-Grandson of Swedes who settled in Fraser back in 1909. He hears what the fresh face says, and it upsets him. My cousin confronts the fresh face, asks him a barrage of questions about the Valley and it’s history and culture, none of which he can answer.

I’m sure that the new guy in town didn’t mean any harm when he referred to himself as a local. In his eyes, the Fraser Valley is a pristine place where everything is new and the possibilities are endless. He was probably from a big city and was expecting, or at least hoping for, some small town hospitality. Instead, he had to deal with the wrath of a pissed off stranger with beer on his breath.

But how could he understand? Aspiring ski bum newcomer doesn’t know what it’s like to have newcomer millionaires turn hay meadows into golf courses. He doesn’t understand that fishing holes of yore are now just part of some far off stranger’s investment portfolio, off limits to the locals. He doesn’t remember what it was like to be able to ride a horse out of town without having to worry about getting run down by a Lincoln Navigator stacked with 5 thousand dollar bicycles.

This whole incident got us to thinking about just what it is makes one worthy of the local’s discount. Is it property? Is it employment? Is it a state of mind? Is it a length of time? In an effort to answer this question, we came up with a 20-part quiz. The more yeses, the better the chance that you’re a true local here in Fraser, the “Icebox of the Nation”.

1. Are your keys always in the ignition?

2. Did you (or your children) ever put pennies on the railroad tracks?

3. Have you ever been 86’d from the Crooked Creek Saloon?

4. Does your job give you powder days off?

5. Do you enjoy the off seasons?

6. Did you (or your children) learn to drive on dirt roads?

7. Have you ever owned a Ford, Subaru or Volkswagen?

8. Is there one broken down in your yard right now?

9. Do you remember when it was colder and the snow was deeper?

10. Ever used a chainsaw?

11. Are there any loggers in your family tree?

12. Have your hands ever been calloused?

13. Ever lived in a home with wheels?

14. Ever shoveled snow off your roof?

15. Does your car have an engine heater?

16. Ever fried up an elk steak?

17. Do you pick up hitchhikers?

18. Ever had a drug or alcohol problem?

19. Ever attended an old timer’s reunion, a Bob Marley birthday bash, an Epworth Cup or a town picnic?

20. Do you have friends or family buried in the cemetery?

Bonus question: What was the original name of the Fraser River?

How did you score? 0-2: Trustafarian/Developer, I hear Vail calling your name. 3-6: You’ll be gone for good come mud season. 7-9: Winter Park maybe, but not Fraser. 10-13: Oh yeah, I remember, you moved away after 9^th grade. 14-17: I agree, John Elway is the best quarterback in NFL history. 18-19: Glad to hear your liver transplant was a success. 20+: You should run for mayor.